How to notice the red flags: the secret to finding someone good.

“The red flags in the beginning will be the same reason it all ends.” — Unknown

A lot of people nowadays struggle trying to find love. I believe this is caused by the fact that most people are unaware of how to notice or point out the red flags that appear. In this blog, I will teach you how to spot the red signs, to avoid a painful love experience.

What is a red flag?

as defined by Madeleine Mason Roantree, a red flag in a relationship is “something your partner does that indicates a lack of respect, integrity or interest towards the relationship”.

What are some examples of red flags?

According to psychologytoday.com , the top ten red flags to be aware of would be

1. Lack of communication. Your partner refuses or avoids to communicate issues, or simple things you wish to talk about.

2. Irresponsible, immature and unpredictable. You constantly feel like you need to parent them and show them how to live.

3. Lack of trust. Your partner does not feel as though you are trusted, they may accuse you of things you haven’t actually done.

4. Significant family and friends don’t like your partner. I believe this explains itself.

5. Controlling behavior. Eg: “you can’t wear that” “you can’t see that person” “you can’t do that” “what am I supposed to do while you’re doing that?”

6. Feeling insecure in the relationship. You feel as though you aren’t good enough, like nothing you do matters.

7. A dark secretive past. Your partner refuses to tell you about their past, even though you feel it is necessary you must know.

8. Non-resolution of past relationship. In constant fighting with their ex, or cannot stop talking about them, making you feel like you’re not their priority.

9. The relationship is built on need to feel needed. Self-explanatory.

10. Abusive behavior. Eg: manipulation, lying, etc.

Why is it important to notice these signs?

Many people who choose to ignore the red flags often end up in a toxic or abusive relationships. As a result of such (abusive relationships), most people may end up suffering from mental illnesses such as depression. A toxic relationship, early on will make you feel unworthy, exhausted and unhappy. These are all things that I wish no person to suffer from.

Why this is important to me.

As a child, I grew up with a mom who suffered from an abusive and toxic relationship with my father. For a long time after my father had left us, I started to notice more and more that there were quite many ways my mother was affected by my father. My mother often felt like she was unworthy, or a bad parent. She felt as though she was not enough for my brother and I, even though she was the best we could’ve had. She often felt as though she wasn’t worthy of the help offered by our community, as she felt like some people may have had it worse.

I admire my mother, and I wish no woman to live what she has lived.